Small sacrifices

"It is the right of little children to have individual love all day long and have more than the tag ends of affection. But this situation will not change until the family is seen as an institution so precious that men and women will sacrifice something, even in excitement and personal expression, in order to maintain it."

--Elton Trueblood (quoted in Sacred Parenting)

I always wanted to be a mama ever since I was a wee girl. I just didn't know how difficult or trying it would be.

We have a new crawler in the house. My husband is busy working and going to school with minimal sleep, and I am often alone parenting three little children. During the day, the older two come in and out the house bringing small offerings of flowers to the kitchen. My days are punctuated with many shouts of, "Mom, you need to see this!" and constant requests for food because my children are blessed with my fast metabolism and are always always hungry. Then there's the daily ration of sibling squabbling and tantrums. Last week, I think Koko had a tantrum every other day. And I fluctuated from being responsive and validating to screaming and wanting to pull out all my hair. Except my little baby already does that (pull hair, not scream).

This morning, Koko started fighting with Cheeky about wanting to be the first person served for breakfast. I've been reading a lot of Naomi Aldort in my attempt to respond better to her tantrums, and I realized that I was scared of her strong emotions and was giving her a false sense of reality by always catering to her demands to be served first. And so today, I tried to validate her need to be first, but explain that it couldn't always be so. Afterward, I asked her to come to the bedroom and prayerfully, I read her the passage about the disciples who were arguing about being the greatest in heaven. She didn't quite get it. Did the disciples argue about wanting to go to heaven first? But for the first time, she seemed to grasp that God blesses us when we give up wanting to be first.

We had a full day and night finally arrived. After all day of serving my children, sometimes I just want my own time. But one ongoing struggle is Koko and Cheeky's need to sleep next to me literally, one on each side. When I ask what to do with the baby, they sometimes suggest for him to sleep on top of me. Thankfully, the baby is lightweight, but sometimes even 15 pounds can feel suffocating and then more compromises are made.

When it comes down to it, parenting is made of daily moment-to-moment small sacrifices and the relinquishment of individual rights, of wanting to be first. I am not much different from Koko who wanted to be served first for breakfast But I am an adult and a mother who needs to put aside some of my own desires to serve children who truly deserve individual love all day long.