It's So Hard to Say Goodbye

I'm going through the grueling process of weaning Cheeky and I am tired. It's day 4 and she's been having a screaming session at least once a day. Today after waking from her late nap, she screamed and thrashed with such intensity for at least 30 minutes. But finally, she allowed me to hug and hold her for a bit. Then she settled down for some pasta salad and apple cider.

We've reached a different dynamic in our relationship. When my mom came to visit over the weekend, she refused to come to me during nap time and slept with my mom instead. This is an absolute first. But night came, and even though Koko tried to coax her to sleep with her on the other side of bed, she came back to my side, dangling her feet inside the crevice between the wall and bed like she always does.

She was acting strange for a few days, too. She went on this kissing marathon where she kissed everyone over and over again, especially me on my belly. But tonight, she looks more like herself. I see her dancing on top of the coffee table performing "Jesus Loves Me" complete with hand motions and little steps. Then she flits to the couch and pretends to be sleeping. Then she and Koko crawl behind the couch and pretend to be a cat and a dog. Cheeky's the cat. Now she's assisting Koko with a farm puzzle.

In a few weeks, Cheeky will be two. To aid with the weaning process, I am totally emphasizing that she is no longer a baby. "You're a koma,"I remind her. (Korean word for a young child that is no longer a baby) "Komas can have lollipops, ice cream, and chocolate. Babies cannot."

Cheeky had her first lollipop at her music class. She knows she's not allowed to, so when the teacher pulled out the basket full of candy, she did not take one. I thought this was hilarious and I prodded her to take one.

A few days ago, she announced to the family, "I mommy. You (pointing to me) not mommy. I mommy." And after showing me her baby doll she continued, "My baby."

But oh, she is still my baby.