Favorite Parenting Books

No task seems so daunting to me as parenting. It's easy to make a few health-related lifestyle changes, but it's far more difficult to parent mindfully and patiently. I am a parent book junkie. Though I'm finding that even though I know a lot of theory, it's actually VERY difficult to change my old behavior patterns. That's why, ultimately, I need God's grace. Anyway, here's my Best of the Best Parenting Book Picks:

Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Punishment and Reason to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn.

This is a challenging and thought provoking book. The first half of the book is his rationale why punitive and fear-based methods of parenting can be harmful and the second half gives practical tips on how to "work with" instead of butting heads with your children. He is antagonistic towards religion in general, and I don't agree with everything he says, but it does give you some perspective on the long-term results of behavior modification.

Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate.

I love, love this book. This is my favorite. Three-fourth of the book is focused on why the parent relationship needs to be more important than peers based on research and his own clinical experience with even hard-core criminals. The remaining portion gives some parental direction that is especially pertinent to parents with teenagers, but also a warning to not get too carried away from parenting books, including this one and to instead, cultivate your own parental instinct. Sage advice to a parent book junkie like me. This really helped alleviate my fears about homeschooling and Koko's socialization. (No, he's not against socialization, but he doesn't believe it's that important at age 3.)

Playful Parenting by Laurence Cohen
Based on his experience as a play therapist helping many troubled children, this is an excellent resource that has tons of ideas of using play as ways to diffuse power struggles, promote connection between parents and children, and strengthen children's inner resilience. I just wish it had a companion guide that just had the games and activities listed by age.

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming Parent-Child Relationships from Reaction and Struggle to Freedom, Power, and Joy by Naomi Aldort
I am not too keen on Byron Katie whom Aldort endorses and her writing style can be a little confusing and misleading (She comes off as being more permissive than she really is) but I think she is gifted in communicating with children, especially when it comes to being empathetic. I also like her SALVE formula which is helpful when you're loosing your cool because as parents know, anger and discipline can be a dangerous combination.

Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky A. Bailey
This is a Soulemama recommendation! Bailey is a little more easy to digest than Kohn or Aldort, though she does have many similarities. While the former doesn't believe in imposed consequences, she does. She is also not as militant about praise than the other writers here are. I think she does a great job in explaining how to reflect anger, especially in little children.

Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas
This is more of an inspirational book that doesn't focus on the specifics of parenting as much as how God uses children to sanctify parents. Truly, an encouraging book for Christian parents!

The Mystery of Children by Mike Mason
I love the poetic/philosophical writing style in his Mystery of Marriage book, so I was taken aback by the simple voice in this parenting book, but this anecdotal book about this Christian philosopher's struggles with raising his own daughter was also moving and helped me to see children from another perspective.

Grace-Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel
This book, while not negating the need for discipline, focuses on the problem many Christian parents have with legalism. He doesn't give specifics with how to raise small children, but he gives many real-life examples on how legalism can hurt parent-children relationships and furthermore, gives children a twisted view on God. Truly, parents need a balance between grace and truth.

What are your favorite parenting books?